i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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