He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
