Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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