Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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