On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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