I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
