so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
