"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize