sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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