dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
