how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
