Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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