Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
