His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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