I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
