Dual....:-)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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