Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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