We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is Oprah even human
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
