what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
