My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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