I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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