i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
