question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
