he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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