woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
