tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize