you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
