You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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