i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
