my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
