Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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