I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
