dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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