Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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