Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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