We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
