wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
