Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
