sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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