Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
