Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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