he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
