It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this just has baby written all over it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
