i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
