I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
