she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
