Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
