I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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