WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
