Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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