mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
