I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
