The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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