we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
