Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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