Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
