she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
