I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize