he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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