S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
