omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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