how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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