ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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