you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
