I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
