Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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