i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
